


Dead Inside

by haunted_ella (Leviarty)



Series: Lyrical [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-02
Updated: 2010-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-12 08:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/123154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leviarty/pseuds/haunted_ella





	Dead Inside


    **_To find this love of mine_
    **
    
    
    
    **_I’d walk through wind and fire_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Forever and always_
    **
    
    
    
    
    
    
    He isn’t particularly fond of sleep these days.  Not since he got back from hell.
    
    
    It isn’t so much the sleeping that he hates.
    
    
    No.
    
    
    Because sleep is nice when you’ve been driving for sixteen hours straight.
    
    
    It’s the dreaming that gets to him.
    
    
    The dreams aren’t terrifying.  Except that they are.  They are completely terrifying.
    
    
    But not because they’re scary.
    
    
    Because he knows they’re real.
    
    
    He can’t close his eyes without seeing hell.  Without wanting to scream out in terror at the pain he still felt, the pain he’d caused.
    
    
    And sometimes he wondered if he was even still human, or if what had returned from hell was just a little bit demon, just a little bit of the things he spends every moment hunting, hating, killing.
    
    
    
    
    
    **_These hollow hands reach out_
    **
    
    
    
    **_For you to touch me now_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Forever and always_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “You are still human Dean Winchester,” a voice informed him.  Looking at his surroundings, he knew he is dreaming.  He wass still in the crap motel he and Sam had rented just a few hours before and nothing was obviously indicating that it wasn’t real, but he knew.
    
    
    “Michael,” Dean said, turning to face the Archangel he’s never met but somehow knew.  He isn’t sure what he was expecting to see when he faces him, but he knows it wasn’t this.  Michael wasn’t riding around in a human’s skin, but he looked human enough, though Dean suspected that’s just how he choose to appear to Dean in his mind.  He wasn’t terrifying or even particularly scary.
    
    
    In fact, he was kind of beautiful.
    
    
    “Hello Dean.”
    
    
    “What do you want?” Dean growled, not even attempting to hide his disgust.
    
    
    “Only to talk to you,” the Archangel replied.
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_Dead inside_
    **
    
    
    
    **_My heart and soul flat lines_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Put your mouth on mine_
    **
    
    
    
    **_And bring me back to life_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “What the hell makes you think I want to talk to you?”
    
    
    “Nothing leads me to believe you wish to speak with me,” Michael replied, his voice soft, and, at the risk of sounding cliché, angelic.  “However, I do not require that you speak, only that you listen.”
    
    
    “And what if I don’t want to listen to what you have to say?” Dean shot back at him.
    
    
    “Then I shall leave you alone.”
    
    
    Dean looked at him skeptically.
    
    
    “I only ask that you hear me out.  That you listen to what I have to say, before you make your decision.”
    
    
    “I already know what you have to say.”
    
    
    “I don’t believe that you do.”
    
    
    “Like hell I don’t,” Dean rolled his eyes.  “You’re going to give the exact same spiel that Zach gives every time he comes for a visit.  I was actually starting to think you guys had given up though, so I'll give you credit for that.”
    
    
    “I assure you, we have not given up.  Many of my brothers are fighting as we speak.  Including the one you call ‘Cas’.”
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_Dead inside_
    **
    
    
    
    **_No other satisfies_
    **
    
    
    
    **_My blood runs dry_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Take my life_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Save me from this death inside_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    Dean’s heart skipped a beat.  Cas had disappeared weeks ago.
    
    
    “I don’t believe you.”
    
    
    “This comes as no surprise to me,” Michel replied. “Though I do feel compelled to ask, why is it that you are so distrusting of angels.”
    
    
    “’Cause every angel I’ve ever met has been a manipulative son of a bitch.”
    
    
    “I beg to differ,” Michael said.  “What of Anna?  She in no way manipulated you, did she?  And Castiel?  You consider him a friend, do you not?”
    
    
    Dean was quiet.  He had a good point.
    
    
    “Yeah, so?” he said, not really having a better comeback.
    
    
    “It seems to me, that you have met angels that have done nothing to make you doubt their intentions and loyalties, and yet, you assume that we are all the exact opposite.”
    
    
    “I’ve had a few bad experiences,” Dean said.
    
    
    “Of this I am aware.  But you have also had good experiences with some of our kind.  You have forged a friendship with one of our kind.  Has that no value?”
    
    
    “Yeah, and one of your kind had him killed!”
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_I can’t escape this love_
    **
    
    
    
    **_I want it the way it was_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Forever and always_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “Tell me something Dean Winchester,” Michael began after a moments pause.  “Do you believe in God?”
    
    
    Dean was thrown off, he had not been expecting this line of questioning.
    
    
    “I… I don’t know.”
    
    
    “You have faith in Angels and Demons and numerous other forms of beings most of your kind does not believe in.”
    
    
    “I have faith in what I can see.”
    
    
    “That is not faith, not belief.  You know what you see before you, you know it is real.  Faith is believing in something you can not see, in something that is not concrete.  So I ask you, do you have faith?”
    
    
    “God hasn’t really given me much of a reason to believe in him.”
    
    
    “I did not ask if you had faith in God.  I asked if you had faith.”
    
    
    Dean is quiet.  He isn’t sure if he fully understands what is being asked.
    
    
    “Do you have faith that you can win this war?” Michael asks as an example, but does not wait for a response, because he already knows the answer.  “Do you have faith that the world will no be destroyed?  Do you have faith that someone will find a way for you to win?  Do you have faith in Castiel?”
    
    
    “Yes.”
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_Don’t you leave me here_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Alone in all this fear_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Forever and always_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    Michael smiled at him and Dean didn’t like the way he suddenly felt.
    
    
    “Do you have faith in what your gut is telling you?”
    
    
    Dean doesn’t answer, but he knows he does need to.
    
    
    “Castiel is dying Dean.  He is dying and you know it.  Angels everywhere are dying and there is nothing I can do to stop it without a vessel, without my true vessel.  I am powerless without you Dean.”
    
    
    “I should have known this was just a recruiting spiel.”  But Dean wasn’t angry, he was contemplative.
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_Dead inside_
    **
    
    
    
    **_My heart and soul flat lines_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Put your mouth on mine_
    **
    
    
    
    **_And bring me back to life_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “If I say yes, _if_ , you’re sure you can stop this?  All of this?”
    
    
    “No,” Michael replied honestly and Dean respected that, in a way.
    
    
    “Not the greatest recruiting tactic.”
    
    
    “I will not lie to you Dean.  I don not know if I can stop Lucifer and send him to Hell once more.  I do not know that I can save all of humanity.  But I can promise you I will not stop trying until I die.  I will do my best to save your people and return your body to you in the condition which it was taken, should you say yes.”
    
    
    “What about Cas?” Dean asked after a moment.
    
    
    “I can save him.  And many others.  I can save them, but only for a short time.  If we wait too long, it will be too late.”
    
    
    Dean nodded absently as he thought to himself.
    
    
    “And Sam?  What happens to him?”
    
    
    “I do not know.”
    
    
    “Can you make sure that Lucifer can’t take him as his vessel?”
    
    
     **_Dead inside_
    **
    
    
    
    **_No other satisfies_
    **
    
    
    
    **_My blood runs dry_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Take my life_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Save me from this death inside_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “No.”
    
    
    “What kind of answer is that?”
    
    
    “The honest one.  I told you Dean, I will never lie to you.”
    
    
    “Why can’t you stop him from taking Sam?”
    
    
    “Because,” Michael began.  “We can not alter human will.  Lucifer can only enter Sam’s body if he gives him permission.  We can not change that.”
    
    
    “He’s my brother!” Dean exclaimed.
    
    
    “And Lucifer is mine.”
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_I can’t escape this love_
    **
    
    
    
    **_I want it the way it was_
    **
    
    
    
    **_You remind me of a time_
    **
    
    
    
    **_When I felt alive_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    Dean can’t remember ever hearing an angel refer to Lucifer as a brother.  Of course he knew that Lucifer was once an angel and that he was once their brother, but he had never heard an angel admit to it.  They had said they were once brothers, long ago.
    
    
    But none had acted as though they still were.
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_Dead inside_
    **
    
    
    
    **_My heart and soul flat lines_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Put your mouth on mine_
    **
    
    
    
    **_And bring me back to life_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “If I do this…”
    
    
    What was he thinking?  Was he honestly considering agreeing to this?  Nothing Michael had said had been encouraging in the least.  _Maybe_ he could save the world.  _Maybe_ Sam wouldn’t become Lucifer’s vessel.  Maybe the world wouldn’t end in a fiery blaze.
    
    
    And yet he was considering it.
    
    
    “If you say yes, I will do everything in my power to stop this.”
    
    
    Dean paced back and forth across the room, staring at his shoes, at the ground, at anything but the archangel who’d so rudely interrupted a terrible dream.
    
    
    If he did this, Cas could survive.  If he did this, there was a chance the world wouldn’t end.
    
    
    Was that enough reason to give up his body?
    
    
     ****
    
    
    
    **_Dead inside_
    **
    
    
    
    **_No other satisfies_
    **
    
    
    
    **_My blood runs dry_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Take my life_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Save me from this death inside_
    **
    
    
    
    ****
    
    
    
    “Yes.”
    
    
      
    
    
    
     **_My blood runs dry_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Take my life_
    **
    
    
    
    **_Save me from this death inside_
    **
    


End file.
